Bob Cramer's Blog

Summer is here and the joy of going out for ice cream takes center stage once again.  I have developed a sweet tooth for Zesto which serves a beautifully tasting–light and airy–soft vanilla similar to the more well-known Carvel (founded in Hartsdale, NY, for those curious), and dispensed as you would expect in cones, waffle cones, sundaes, malts, milkshakes, ice cream floats, arctic swirls and, of course, cups.

The big excitement for for me when entering the Zesto, Carvel and Dairy Queens of the world is whether to add chocolate shell to any vanilla order.  There’s no doubt that chocolate shell adds a sophisticated layer of palate intrigue to plain jane vanilla but can create havoc with your life.

Based on my recent investigative reporting at the Zesto on Piedmont Road, right next to the laundromat, the addition of chocolate shell to any soft serve offering creates great opportunity to make a mess.  You never quite know when the vanilla will pierce the protective shell holding it back and start leaking all over your khaki shorts or golf shirt. Don’t even ask me about last weekend at the Dairy Queen in Toccoa, GA, on my way to a wedding.

Trying to outsmart the threat created by a Brown Crown cone, I went for a small vanilla cup with shell included, and then added driving to the mix.  You’ll be glad to hear that I didn’t wreck, but my clothes suffered an injustice and I’m sure I ingested decent amounts of chemicals wedging my spoon deep in there to get all the hardened chocolate which attached to the plastic-lined paper cup.  My wife wasn’t happy.

Overall, I question the nutritious value of the shell in the first place.  What do they put in it to make it harden? Would it work on potholes? Is there an organic, lactose-free version? Does it contain Viagra?  I know you can buy this type of topping in the supermarket but I’m beginning to think it might come with a warning label or require a prescription.

Moving on, I have noticed significant market segmentation in the ice cream-yogurt-gelato cold treat industry.  I’m a simple guy–I go for quantity over quality. The yogurt shops with all their toppings and flavors make me crazy and the gelato places are overpriced and their servings small.

One hazard of the soft serve market is often the machines are down.  I’ve notice this trend at my neighborhood Baskins-Robbins. Their 32 flavors were always frozen in place, but 9 times out of 10 the self service machine was out of order.  Curious about this important topic, my research has uncovered that McDonald’s ice cream machines often suffer the same fate. Too hard to clean or something like that. So soft serve when you can find it is becoming a delicacy.

But enough with all of the negative stuff.  Plain and simple, ice cream in the summer is pure joy and chocolate shell on top is pandemonium. Please bring plenty of napkins.